A Letter For My Younger Self

To Gary at 21, when you thought you could change the world according to your own will

Dear younger me,

I see you there, burning with righteous anger about police brutality, about injustice, about all the broken systems. You're 21 and you've just discovered that the world is deeply unfair. You're smart enough to see the problems and ambitious enough to think you can fix them.

You're about to spend years building movements, generating a lot of success according to the world. You'll have tons of followers and honestly feel kind of like a god when thousands wait for your next post, your next piece of red meat that gives them what they want.

But you're building a moral crusade without Christ as the foundation, and it will go nowhere.

I know you hate religion right now. You think faith is for people who can't think critically, who need fairy tales to cope with reality. You've seen the hypocrites wearing crosses while living like demons. I get it.

But listen—Satan isn't against good morals in isolation. He's against people discovering the fullness of who they are and what this is all about through Jesus Christ.

You're about to learn this the hard way. That being an atheist who's a "good person" isn't enough. I know you care about justice. You'd never shoot anyone. You'd roughly follow some commandments even as an atheist. But goodness without God is just sophisticated rebellion. An atheist saying "I'm a good guy" means nothing as his soul starves for meaning he can't even name.

Here's the truth that will take you years to discover: We're all in God's cosmic screenplay. You can spend decades trying to rewrite your lines, but you're still in His story. The free will you're so proud of? It's really just freedom to choose Christ or choose creative ways to die.

Stop trying to be the author. You're an actor in something infinitely bigger than your comprehension. The role written for you is better than anything you could write yourself.

That anger you feel about injustice? It's supposed to be there—but not to fuel an anti-cop movement. It's so you can recognize that the world has fallen from God's design. Trying to fix the fractures without Christ is like trying to perform surgery in the dark. You'll do more damage than good, no matter how pure your intentions.

I'm not asking you to skip the journey. Maybe you need to exhaust yourself trying to save the world before you realize you need saving first. But know this: Every moment you spend building kingdoms without Christ is time spent constructing sandcastles below the tide line.

You'll be tempted again and again to see obedience to God as oppression, especially when the world tells you freedom means doing whatever you want. You'll want to believe the narrow path is just needless restriction, that real life is found off the rails. You'll feel the urge to rebel against God's sovereignty, convinced it's just another authority trying to control you.

But every time those thoughts come, remember: they're just temptations to trade real freedom for a cheap imitation and to reject the only authority who can, through His loving power, give you eternal life. That's not a metaphor.

You're going to waste so much time thinking you're good enough, smart enough, revolutionary enough to fix things through your own will. You're not. None of us are. That's the point. That's why He came.

One day you'll write: "Here I am, Lord. Excited to play the role You've written for me." And you'll mean it. You'll stop trying to rewrite the cosmic screenplay and start living your part with joy.

Until then, every victory will taste like ash. Every follower will feel hollow. Every achievement will echo with meaninglessness.

I wish I could save you those years of building on sand. But maybe that's your path to solid rock. Maybe you need to construct your own Babel before you're ready to build His kingdom.

Just remember when it all falls apart—and it will—that's not the end. That's when the real story begins. That's when you stop being the hero of your own tragedy and start being a character in His redemption story.

You can pretend you're not interested in the role, but abstaining is still a choice that gets recorded. One day you'll realize that submitting to the Director isn't defeat—it's the first move that actually matters.

With love and hard-earned wisdom,

Your future self