The Church of Secularity

A satirical spoken word piece about the universal cult of modernity

Welcome back to Church!

Remember: Our living saints are our employers, Our altars venerate the Forbes 400, We treat their words like gospel— My favorite are Bezos 3:16 and Musk 4:20. What are yours?

I hope you had a good Saturday. According to our scripture, If you didn't post it on social media, It didn't happen.

Remember: The algorithm is our shepherd.

Remember: Spirits aren't real— But make sure you buy the right crystals! We believe there's no God— But definitely burn that giant effigy in the desert, That's just... art, friends.

Remember: We believe in no objective truth—

...

Except that Christianity is definitely bad. (Islam is fine though! And remember to not be anti-semitic!)

Remember: To be tolerant. Since everyone has their own truth— Except if you believe in Christ. That's just objectively wrong. And oppressive.

Make sure to sing your praises to: Marx, and Freud, and Darwin— The holy trinity of "everything is random." We believe humans are just meat— So treat yourself as such. Or treat everything like an object, Or an asset to surveil and optimize.

Remember: If you want a kid, just get a dog. Or an AI girlfriend. You're just a dumb animal anyway. Starting a human family is so outdated When we all know life is about becoming Trans-human.

Remember: There's no one right way to live your life. Unless that way of life tell us that we're living wrong. So yeah, thank god we're not Christians.

Finally, remember: Cults are bad. And we're definitely not in one. And if you start feeling doubts I'll know through your Neuralink, And see you in confession.