The Church of Secularity

Welcome back to Church!

Remember: Our living saints are our employers, Our altars venerate the Forbes 400, We treat their words like gospel: My favorite are Bezos 3:16 and Musk 4:20. What are yours?

I hope you had a good Saturday. According to our scripture, If you didn't post it on social media, It didn't happen.

Remember: The algorithm is our shepherd.

Remember: Spirits aren't real: But make sure you buy the right crystals! We believe there's no God: But definitely burn that giant effigy in the desert, That's just... art, friends.

Remember: We believe in no objective truth:

...

Except that Christianity is definitely bad. (Islam is fine though! And remember to not be anti-semitic!)

Remember: To be tolerant. Since everyone has their own truth: Except if you believe in Christ. That's just objectively wrong. And oppressive.

Make sure to sing your praises to: Marx, and Freud, and Darwin: The holy trinity of "everything is random." We believe humans are just meat: So treat yourself as such. Or treat everything like an object, Or an asset to surveil and optimize.

Remember: If you want a kid, just get a dog. Or an AI girlfriend. You're just a dumb animal anyway. Starting a human family is so outdated When we all know life is about becoming Trans-human.

Remember: There's no one right way to live your life. Unless that way of life tell us that we're living wrong. So yeah, thank god we're not Christians.

Finally, remember: Cults are bad. And we're definitely not in one. And if you start feeling doubts I'll know through your Neuralink, And see you in confession.